Goodbye is Not Forever

I have been thinking for weeks that I need to address this but every time I sit down at my computer and begin to type the words that appear on this blank slate are sparse at best and inadequate to articulate what needs to be said.

There was a man whom God used to change my world. I don't know if he ever knew it, but I would not be who I am or where I am today were it not for his teaching and concern for me personally. I have not talked about Dan Cummings to very many people but his influence in my life has been significant to say the least.

Throughout my teen years, he encouraged and nurtured my heart for people, service, and ministry as a whole. I grew so much in my understanding of who God was, what the gospel was, and how that should impact my life. Unfortunately, in college I began falling away from everything that I knew to be true. The worst part is that no one noticed, or so I thought.

One day, Pastor Dan called me into his office. I had no sooner sat down than he leaned forward on his desk, looked straight at me and said, "What are you doing?" I thought he was talking about my plans but he quickly restated his question, "What are you doing with your life?" I didn't really answer his question. I didn't have to answer because he knew that I was floundering. I left that meeting with "reading material" for my supposed trip to FL, the trip that he knew I would never take. That reading material sent me to school in Minneapolis (where he continued to encourage me and make sure that I was taken care of) and, as a result, changed my life forever.

Pastor Dan died a few weeks ago. I have been criticized by a few people for not grieving "properly" and for lying about being "okay" when I am supposed to be heart broken and grief stricken. My supposed callous attitude, however, is not what it appears. The truth is that my heart hurts. I can no longer call him whenever I have a question, or walk into his office to talk, or ask for another reading list. The realization of everything that God used him to accomplish in my life has made me, perhaps, more sorrowful at times because I never told him how much I appreciated him.

There is one truth that has stayed my heart and my emotions and that is this: We do not mourn as those who are without hope. That means that, if my hope is in the Saviour as was Dan's, one day when I am face to face with my Saviour I will also be reunited with those who have gone before. With Job, I am forced to say "The Lord gave and the Lord has taken away. Blessed be the name of the Lord." (Jb1:21b) Goodbye is not forever.