Goodbye is Not Forever

I have been thinking for weeks that I need to address this but every time I sit down at my computer and begin to type the words that appear on this blank slate are sparse at best and inadequate to articulate what needs to be said.

There was a man whom God used to change my world. I don't know if he ever knew it, but I would not be who I am or where I am today were it not for his teaching and concern for me personally. I have not talked about Dan Cummings to very many people but his influence in my life has been significant to say the least.

Throughout my teen years, he encouraged and nurtured my heart for people, service, and ministry as a whole. I grew so much in my understanding of who God was, what the gospel was, and how that should impact my life. Unfortunately, in college I began falling away from everything that I knew to be true. The worst part is that no one noticed, or so I thought.

One day, Pastor Dan called me into his office. I had no sooner sat down than he leaned forward on his desk, looked straight at me and said, "What are you doing?" I thought he was talking about my plans but he quickly restated his question, "What are you doing with your life?" I didn't really answer his question. I didn't have to answer because he knew that I was floundering. I left that meeting with "reading material" for my supposed trip to FL, the trip that he knew I would never take. That reading material sent me to school in Minneapolis (where he continued to encourage me and make sure that I was taken care of) and, as a result, changed my life forever.

Pastor Dan died a few weeks ago. I have been criticized by a few people for not grieving "properly" and for lying about being "okay" when I am supposed to be heart broken and grief stricken. My supposed callous attitude, however, is not what it appears. The truth is that my heart hurts. I can no longer call him whenever I have a question, or walk into his office to talk, or ask for another reading list. The realization of everything that God used him to accomplish in my life has made me, perhaps, more sorrowful at times because I never told him how much I appreciated him.

There is one truth that has stayed my heart and my emotions and that is this: We do not mourn as those who are without hope. That means that, if my hope is in the Saviour as was Dan's, one day when I am face to face with my Saviour I will also be reunited with those who have gone before. With Job, I am forced to say "The Lord gave and the Lord has taken away. Blessed be the name of the Lord." (Jb1:21b) Goodbye is not forever.

Winter Break Reading List

I used to be an avid reader. I would read everything under the sun -- anything that was well written that I could get my hands on. Unfortunately, that passion for reading has faded over the past five or six years. Life has happened and the joy I once found in books, languages, and learning has been replaced by unhappy events, stressful semesters, and the drama of real life relationships. Not all of life has been bad but it seems that energy that has been required to live life has left little energy for anything else.

Lately, however, I have seen my time and energy wasted on Facebook, chatting, and even tv. The more time I have wasted the more I've disliked this easy, dare I say lazy, lifestyle. Finally, I decided to do something about it. I went to Barnes and Noble and wandered aimlessly until, finally, I found something and set my mind to reading it. The 460 page book was read entirely within the course of a few days. Though just a historical fiction novel, it gave me so much food for thought and new desire to learn again, not for the sake of passing a class or getting a grade but for the sake of truth and growth.

For all of that, I present not only the book that started it all but also the books that have and are intended to follow.


REDEEMING LOVE by Francine Rivers

Oddly enough, this book has been around since 1997. I hadn't heard of it until this year. What I enjoyed most is who it presents God to be.

The story is based loosely on the story of Hosea and Gomer but while it builds the character of Hosea it also builds the character of God (after all, Hosea was supposed to display an image of God as He interacts with Israel).

I do not know if I have ever felt more convicted at my own behaviour, as I compared myself with Angel (Gomer), or more gratitude and love for my Saviour because of His unending faithfulness and grace, as displayed by both Hosea and God himself, than I did when I had finished reading this book.



THE GIFT FOR ALL THE PEOPLE by Max Lucado

Admittedly, I am not far into this book, and yes, I do realize that it is not a theology book, but I picked it for a number of reasons.

The book picks up where Redeeming Love left off in that it continues to build my appreciation for what God has done in sacrificing Himself to secure my freedom in Christ.

It is also a short book and not a difficult read so it caters to my need to ease myself back into the world of reading. I find Lucado's writings are always a good way to remind myself of the gospel and light enough to slowly retrain my mind to focus long enough to get through a chapter.





LUKE FOR EVERYONE by Tom (N.T.) Wright

I began reading this one a little more than a month ago and I am taking it very slowly. I bought it initially for a devotional aide and that is what I am using it for.

In short it is a commentary, but as the title says, it is for everyone. Everyone can be defined as anyone who wants to know more about The Gospel of Luke but would not pick up a standard commentary and read it for fear of being lost or not knowing enough Greek.

I have a feeling I will be reading it for a while because I am going through it so slowly but I am not complaining. I am enjoying it.





HE IS THERE AND HE IS NOT SILENT by Francis Shaeffer

I bought this book for a class but, because I discovered the class was unnecessary, I dropped it and as a result never read the book. I want to remedy that.

Though it was written well over 30 years ago, the questions Shaeffer addresses in this book still perplex people today. His writing style is sometimes considered difficult to follow but I am convinced that a little perseverance for such a small book will prove fruitful.








THE SCREWTAPE LETTERS by C.S. Lewis

I can't lie. I've started reading this book countless times before but the fact of the matter is that I never had the attention span for it.

I cannot deny that is a lousy excuse for not completing one of the best works of the 20th century so I am attempting it once again. I am convinced that with renewed vigour and mental discipline I will complete it and gain much helpful insight in so doing.

Don't be misled by my poor history. This book is by no means dull. The letters exchanged between demons are helpful for understanding Satan's intent on destroying God's people.

Well, I am certain that this list is just the beginning of fulfilling one of my new years resolutions: To be diligent in my studying and growth and to enjoy reading with renewed energy, self discipline, and excitement.
There can never be a good excuse for apathy in any area of our lives.

Barak Citizenship Questioned

There have been countless objections to both canadates concerning eligibility and aptitude for the presidential position. Everything from youth and inexperience to standings on social issues have been questioned but now a new and perhaps more serious issue is presented:

Is Barak Obama actually an American born citizen of the United States with undivided allegiance? (see Worldnet Daily and Cleaveland Leader )

Oddly enough, the issue of his citizenship isn't as straightforward as some might be inclined to think. Rather, if he is a citizen it is probably that 1) He was NOT American born as the constitution demands, 2) He is also a citizen of Kenya and Indonesia, and 3) He has apparently lied on his preliminary paperwork for the bar exam. There is also evidence to suggest that he has known all along that he is not a citizen and that he has continualy lied about it and tried to cover his tracks. Oh yeah, and he is a muslim?

But he's such a nice guy! He makes us feel good and he's such a great speaker (even though he's not too keen on answering questions in a specific manner -- oh, wait. that's what it means to be diplomatic). Great. Do we really want a young, lying, infanicide endorsing, Indonesian citizen to rule our nation...? Every reason under the sun seems to be staring us in the face. Vote for Obama? I think not.

Distinctly American (A Few Days Late)

When I walked out my front door this evening, camera in hand, I wondered about what adventure would lie ahead for me. I wasn’t halfway down my front walk when it came to me. There before me, as countless times before, hung my neighbor’s American flag. Not at all a strange sight, yet for some reason it caught my attention as I set out down the sidewalk. “Click” – my first shot of the evening, and the thought came to me, That is decidedly American.

As I continued down the street, I began to count all the things that shout “Only in America!” There were stickers on cars, boldly proclaiming opinions and desires. There were political signs displayed with pride on front lawns. Strange garden decorations, bikes left conspicuously lying in the yard, a young couple on seminary lawn practicing their golf swing – every imaginable sign of wealth and leisure, distinctly American.

Three houses down a lady was watering her lawn. She greeted me, introductions were exchanged, and weather discussed. Small talk. Something that is American not in concept but in execution. The unfortunate fact of the matter is that I doubt she remembers my name, let alone thinks of me at all. That is America for you. All politeness and no care, or at least not outside of one’s own personal life. This is entirely the point. Individualism is king.

Welcome to America! Make yourself at home. You can be anything you want to be and do anything you want to do. After all, this is the American dream: to be free and live a life that is moral in your own eyes, whilst procuring every comfort and enjoying life to its fullest. How selfish and spoiled we are – or at least have the propensity to be.

On my walk this evening, I met a young couple. These are the ones who were practicing their golf skills on the lawn. Unlike, the neighbor lady’s small talk, this conversation I am not likely to forget soon. Following brief introductions, it was discovered that we lived on the same block, went to the same school, and they had visited my church. Small talk again but this was different. The conversation passed into an open air discussion of Christian missions abroad and theology. Ah, there it is again, distinctly American, religious freedom -- not just the freedom to be something, but also to speak openly about it.

Finally, I come to my favourite discovery this evening – incredibly American simply because it is not at all American. After leaving the young couple I wandered up a street and down another side street and suddenly it struck me. For an instant I forgot where I was. Through the viewfinder in my camera I saw European styled multiplexes along a steep hill, cars lining the paved yet unpainted road. I looked up and still it was before me: generations of influence from outside of ourselves. I looked up the road behind me and saw Japanese lanterns outside one home while the one next to it proudly displayed Italian mosaic in the garden.

This is far more American than any of the other discoveries. It is the idea of a melting pot: a land that is not of one people yet has become one people, where cultures blend together and form a new one, and people are encouraged to remember their old roots while putting down new ones. America -- the land of the free, the spoiled, the outcast, the African, the Chinese, the Arab, the Muslim, the Christian, the rich, the poor, and everyone else -- she invites anyone who will come to settle in her and bear her name: American. That is most distinctly and decidedly American.

Another Sad Story

"Then the news came today of a “Shadowlands piercing” closer to home in so many ways…of a little 5 year-old girl…Maria Chapman, adopted daughter of Steven Curtis Chapman. She lost her life in her own driveway when an older brother backed out with Maria obscured from sight. Agony beyond comprehension for this family of Christ. How much can a father’s heart take?…his sweet daughter…his beloved son. “Speechless.” Steven’s music sings his theology…his is the great and glorious God revealed in Christ alone. God will be enough…barely enough, but enough."

-excerpt from The Shadowlands by Daniel Scott Cummings
(Pastor of Five Points Community Church in Auburn Hills, MI)



Sad times such as these require much prayer and petition -- not only on behalf of those enduring but also on behalf of those of us who standby. May God grant grace and strength to those who suffer. And may God grant wisdom and perseverance to those of us that don't. How difficult to suffer but how much harder is it for those of us who become complacent from a lack of suffering... In the midst of trial God is clearly seen but in the midst of ease He is often lost sight of.

Do You Love Me?

“Do you love me?”

This statement is one of the hardest statements to get past in Scripture. The implications for Peter, as well as for us, are many and they are hard.

The context is familiar to all of us. When Jesus was enduring trial and crucifixion, Peter was denying Him. Three times Peter denied Him. The text doesn’t say it but I’m sure Jesus heard all three. He knew Peter’s heart as well as his sin. When we arrive at this text in the book of John, Jesus has risen from the dead and is now sitting on the beach with some of the disciples. Among them is Peter. After they finished eating breakfast, Jesus asks Peter three times, “Do you love me?” Peter’s response each time is “yes” with added emphasis on the last time.

Jesus knew Peter’s heart but He asked anyway. Some people have speculated that Jesus was asking the questions for Peter’s sake or that the questions were to reemphasize to Peter his own love for Christ. This could be true but I don’t think that’s the main point. When I read this text I wondered what the original language was. Did Jesus really ask the exact same question three times? According to the Greek text, the answer is no. The first two times Jesus essentially asks the same question. It was just worded differently. The third time however, Jesus changes the question. In the first two questions Jesus uses the word “agape.” This word means to love or cherish. But the last time Jesus uses the word “phileo.” This word still means to love or cherish but it is a more active word. When Jesus asks, “Do you love me” He also was implying “Peter, is your love for me active?”

This question was asked of Peter specifically but it is also the essence of our Christian faith. We don’t just believe in Him, we love Him. This is what sets us apart from the world. Most people in the world believe in Jesus but their love for Him, if it exists, is not active. They live their lives with little regard for Him and His commands.

The fact of the matter is, if we truly love Jesus we will be different. “How can we who have died to sin still live in it?” (Rom 6:2) Paul’s point is Jesus point. We have been changed. Sin cannot reign in our mortal bodies (Rom 6:12) for this reason we are commanded to flee from it. Jesus’ command to Peter was to care for His people and from this was built the Church of God. In our life however the active question of our love for Christ stands ever before us. Do we love Christ? If we do, our actions will mirror Christ’s and our lives will be a living witness to the truth of the gospel. Sin cannot reign in us because it does not reign in our God. A life of sin is no reflection of Him.

Do you love Christ? Then Prove it.

Just Thinking

Our response to music should be according, NOT to media but rather, to content.
(This most specifically refers to worship)

Lessons From a Flower

There are crocus in clusters sprouting up all around the yard. Around the tree and by the sidewalks they are growing in bunches. The one that caught my eye though was in the middle of the lawn. All around it there is dead grass, twigs that have fallen from the tree, and even dead leaves from last fall. All of that waste and yet it blooms.

I noticed it this morning while I was having some quiet time and praying. My prayers are far from joyful this morning. Though most of the time I don’t mind it because I’m content with just Christ, today I sat on the sidewalk terribly aware of just how single I am. Why am I nearly twenty four and yet to be in a relationship? Is this what You want for me? Should I just plan to be single? And how can I plan to be single when I feel so strongly that You have called me to serve my husband and family? And really, God. How can I have this calling and be so single?

I remember asking that question of my mother when I was home a while back. Her response was that God never gives a calling that He doesn’t not intend to fulfill. Right. And yet, here I am. I’m like that flower. I am out in the middle of nowhere. I’m on my own in the culture surrounded by dead souls. I have Christ who I can talk to but never see. And that’s all. Is this all You have for me?

I sat there and prayed for the flower and myself. Then I noticed something. Almost invisible amongst the dead grass and leaves, right next to my friend is another crocus. This one has not bloomed yet. So, my little friend is alone but not for much longer. So, God, are you saying that once again I’m being impatient and the timing isn’t right?

There you have it. I’m being impatient once again. God, forgive my impatience and help me to be satisfied where I am with what I have. Christ is enough.

On The Golden Compass

Many of the Christians I’ve talked to about The Golden Compass have had a very negative opinion of the movie – whether they have seen it or not. I finally decided to see it for myself. While entertaining in the least, it left me with much food for thought, and now that I’ve spent the last week mulling it over, I think I am finally ready to write something.

It’s true that The Golden Compass has a hidden agenda. I could see where the author was going before the movie was half over. Yes, there is a lot of symbolism and ultimately the characters in the movie are at war with the entity that represents God. I found the question of why very intriguing. The author clearly has a problem with God because He is sovereign.

The reason the characters are fighting is because this entity, referred to as the Magistrate, is out to rob people of their free will, represented by the small animal (known as a daemon) that follows around each person. The focus is on children because children are impressionable – a point of which the author is keenly aware. The children’s daemon is constantly changing shapes because they have not fully formed there opinions.

I find it interesting that the author makes this clear and one of his underlying messages is that we are ruining our children by instilling in them certain values and standards. In teaching our children about God we are destroying any possibility for them to develop and form their ideas on their own. But while this is the case, he has resented his ideas in the form of a movie that is directed toward children. Funny. So his ideas are okay to instill in children whereas Christian ideas are dangerous? Or maybe he didn’t think of that.

I don’t think that I would send my children to see the movie but I do think that when the movie comes out on DVD it would be well worth renting. I think Christians ought to be aware of what is being taught and not shy away from it. It’s true that the message is anti-God but it’s also true that we should be educated about what is going on in our world and what is being taught so that we can better minister to the world.

It’s also true that those responsible for production of the movie seem to have paid very close attention to the way The Chronicles of Narnia was made and the feel of the movies are similar. The movie is pleasing to the eye. Those responsible for the aesthetics should be proud. They did well but it really did lack originality. I felt very much as though they were trying to copy Tolkien and Lewis. The Nordic feel to the movie was very reminiscent of Tolkien’s trilogy, while the colours and the animals seemed to be from Narnia itself.

However skewed the message is, the movie was very entertaining. Yes, the polar bear are amazing and there is a sweet polar bear fight. See the movie and draw your own conclusions. These are mine.

The Real Issue

I read today about an organization, called the CWFA, that is concerned about the decency of the Superbowl. By “decency” I mean the concern is whether or not the Superbowl will be family friendly this year. The Concerned Women For America (CWFA) is a Christian organization that seeks to stand up for Biblical principals in our lost culture but while their goals are good I wonder if they are missing the real issue.

“God’s gotta change her heart before He changes her shirt,” sings Casting Crowns in a new hit from their latest album, The Alter and the Door. When I first heard that line it made me think. That’s what is missing in this generation of evangelicals. How quickly we run to arguing with the world about surface issues and miss the real problem.

“I can’t believe the way girls dress nowadays.” “We need to stand up for public prayer.” “It’s wrong for politicians to ignore the needs in Africa.” The list of complaints from Christians goes on and on but what good is it doing? They still ban prayer, and Janet Jackson still has a “wardrobe malfunction.” Is our complaining making a difference? Picketing at the White House reminds Washington that we don’t like abortion but what is it doing?

We are missing the real issue here. We might be able to influence politicians decisions but issues will keep coming unless the hearts of these people are changed. What we need is not another march but another missionary and prayer warrior. It isn’t about fixing surface issues. It never has been, but somehow Evangelicals have forgotten this.

I’m not saying that we shouldn’t raise our voices against concerns for religious liberty but what I am saying is that if that is all we do, we are damning our country. We need to proclaim Jesus Christ and Him crucified. We need to pray that the Spirit of God moves in the hearts of our leaders. We need to walk humbly before our God and seek to lead by example.

The Cost of a Soul

I’m sure most have heard by now about the sudden death of Hollywood actor, Heath Ledger. It was a surprise to be sure and a sorrow. A life lost is sad for the world. A soul lost is heart breaking for the Christian.

What’s sadder still is the number of Christians who will be indifferent and, more so, that it takes the death of someone famous to turn a head. How many people die in the streets of India daily without anyone to notice? Three thousand children die of malaria in Africa every day and no one blinks. It is a tragedy to be sure.

Why is there evidently greater concern for the death of an actor than a homeless person? The value of a life is equal isn’t it? Or is one soul more costly than another? Maybe that isn’t the issue. Perhaps the issue is the publicity. But it should make us think, shouldn’t it? If we can overlook something as important as the life of a human being, how many other things do we overlook on a daily basis? Where do we place value and why?

Let’s change the picture a little bit. Let’s say the comparison is between the death of a homeless person, wholly unconnected to us, and the death of Mother Theresa, who was an amazing woman and spent her life caring for those who would otherwise have remained unnoticed. Why do we weep more for the death of Mother Theresa who at least had access to the hope of the gospel but a man on the streets without hope is barely noticed let alone mourned over? I think that our priorities are a bit skewed.

As Christians we are called to be a light. Should our hearts be cold to those who are in need of that light? Heaven forbid! We need to be reminded that for us to view life apart from the lens of the Gospel is a problem. Our worldview is what shapes us. We must never lose sight of the Gospel, lest we ourselves become lost.

A Change Clarified

In keeping with the previous topic of change, it has been brought to my attention that a clarification may be in order. While the intentions may seem the best and the heart may for a moment seem to feel something for the condition of this lost and fallen world, the most serious issue at hand is not one that anyone can, on thier own strength, attend to. The real need before us is a need for Jesus and the changes that are required in hearts of Christians and the world can only be accomplished by His Holy Spirit.

Often Christians miss the mark by demanding change from each other without first examining the center of the matter: the heart. How can demands be made for change apart from a work of the Holy Spirit? God must work by His Spirit to soften our own hearts so that we can in love attend the needs of the world. Jesus reminds us of this in John 15:5 and the apostle Paul himself said, “For this purpose also I labor, striving according to His power, which mightily works within me.” (Col 1:28) Any efforts on our own are in vain. We must all be working in the strength that He provides!

Finally, if our change is merely focused on providing temporal aid what good is it? Sure, food for those starving is a very necessary thing but feeding the body only to forget the soul must not be done! As Christians, our mission must be to meet the physical needs as a means of connecting with a person so as to care for their soul. Every man, woman, and child needs Jesus. They need a Saviour to rescue them and how can we, who have this hope, neglect to share with the world our Saviour? That is the most pressing issue.

Let's Begin Again

Here we are again. It’s the beginning of another year and life goes on. Truly, as the writer of Ecclesiastes writes, “There’s nothing new under the sun” (1:9). We still go to work every day to ensure that we can support our extravagant lifestyles. We still sit in classrooms allowing those with knowledge beyond our own to improve us. We still eat McDonalds even though we’re constantly reminded that it’s killing us slowly. We still watch movies and dream of playing opposite Denzel Washington or Katie Holmes, despite the fact we know it could never happen. We still waste our money in the Starbucks drive thru even though we could save by purchasing at the grocer. We still watch the news and thank God that’s not us, while out there, somewhere, there’s a family who has been through hell over this past year. And Life goes on.

We are not coasting in flying cars, we are not watching robots do our dirty work, we are not living in a more stable environment, nor is the world suddenly a better place. People are still dying, children are still starving, soldiers are still fighting, and politicians are still too self absorbed to be honest. And life goes on.

But wait! It is the New Year! A time to start over. A time for change. A time to regroup and remind ourselves why we are doing what we are doing. A time for resolutions, right? So, the guy next door is resolved to work harder so that he can land that deal. The girl upstairs is resolved to workout every day and get in shape so that she attract some cute guy. And the couple in the car next to us is resolved to save up for an exotic Caribbean cruise. Well now, there’s progress for you.

No, Lewis is right: “We are far too easily pleased.” We watch the world go by us and we live contentedly in our little bubble. It’s sad, the things that happen in this world, but there’s not really anything we can do about it, without inconveniencing ourselves. We think that we are happy where we are. We’re comfortable. How important is that comfort? We’ve spent our lives building it. Why would we want to give it up?

It’s funny, isn’t it? A house, some furniture, a car, some books, our music collection, a gym membership, Starbucks, and Macy’s – all the things that make us so comfortable – are the very things that condemn us. They point their fingers at us and proclaim that we are spoiled. We are gluttonous and selfish and we like it. We let the man next to us starve so we can be comfortable.

But there is a better way. While there is nothing inherently wrong with our stuff, I propose a change. This will look different from person to person. For some it may be cutting down the daily Starbucks run so that the money saved can go to someone who needs it more. For others, that change might be more drastic – a change in job, to better help where help is needed, or a change in location, to better reach out to those who can’t reach back. For some, it might be a more permanent dedication to the Word, and for others it might look like the abandonment of all things banal so as to pursue the proclamation of the Gospel.

Life does go on. It presents to us further opportunity for change and growth. Let’s begin again.

(thanks to Josiah L. for proof reading)

The Nature of an Apology

Another petty argument and I’m left wondering my fault.

Did I speak too quickly? Was my attitude not in check? What was it this time?

Apparently all is forgotten. Or is it? Did you apologize for placing blame where it wasn’t due? Did you seek to reconcile? Or were your soft spoken words in passing supposed to sooth the situation? Not a mention of the incident nor an explanation, just a kind look and acknowledgment of my existence once more into your life.

Do I take it as it should have been or as it is? My heart can’t be angry with you for long. I have been forgiven countless times for far deeper injuries – how can I not forgive? My heart delights to do so. And I move on. I take your lead and leave all in the dust of unspoken understanding.

Questions are still raised. How do I know it won’t happen again? I don’t. How do I know that it won’t be brought up again? Maybe it won’t. Am I content with it as it is? Yes. Why? Because I will never cease to repeat my offenses and I will never cease need forgiveness.

More than that, I must because I was.

What is Enough?

"All of You
Is more than enough for
All of me
For every thirst and
Every need
You satisfy me
With Your love
And all I have in You
Is more than enough."
(Barlow Girl)


Is that true?

Then why am I struggling with contentment?

Christ must be all --
ALONE
Before He will be all,
in addition to anything else.
Can you honestly say
"Christ is my all"
?