Do I Have To?

The war is at hand.
I am among the frontlines.
Prepared for battle? Now that's the question.

I am wearing my helmet of salvation.
I am holding my shield of Faith.
The sword of the Spirit is firmly grasp in my right hand.
My feet are readied with the Gospel of Peace.

I think I'm ready. But am I? I'm not sure.
Maybe there's a hole in my shield...
Or maybe I forgot the breastplate of righteousness...
Is my sword dull?

My heart hurts.
I'm fighting something I can't see. It's not flesh and blood.
It's attacking me from the inside!
All these doubts! I thought I was so sure.
All these lies! I do know the truth but the lines have blurred.
I feel like I'm losing this battle. I don't want to fight anymore.
"Daddy, do I have to? Can't I just come home now?"

I know this is for my good but I don't want it.
My hands hurt. I think there will be scars this time.
I don't like this and my desire for sin isn't going away.
It would be so much easier to give in.
Heck! it'd probably be fun.
I'm not having any fun now...
All I'm feeling is agony and all I'm seeing is tears.


"Fight for Faith!"
"How? I'm so tired..."
"Be strong in the Lord and in the strength of HIS might!"
"I can't do it..."
"Be steadfast!"
"I know. I'm trying..."
"Pray without ceasing!"
"But what if You don't hear me..?"

"I AM THE LORD YOUR GOD...
I AM JEHOVAH RAPHA... the God who heals
I AM EL ROI... the God who sees
I AM EL SHADDAI... the God who is suffiecient for the needs of His people
I AM YOUR DELIVERER...
I AM YOUR STRENGTH...

I AM YOUR SHELTER...

I AM!"